From where I’m sitting all I can see are those legs.
At one end black stilettos, at the other end, a little black dress.
This delicious creature is left-handed so her frighteningly expensive watch is on her right hand.
You cannot quite see from this angle but she is wearing black lace underwear to go with that pretty black dress.
I’m spelling it out for you but to be honest, I’m one of those blokes who doesn’t normally notice individual features, I tend to see the whole picture all at once. It gets me into a bit of trouble at times. In my world the truly terrifying question is, “Do you notice anything different about me today?”
There is no way I get out of that one alive.
She loves that little balcony and she can sit out there in all kinds of weather.
It’s nice today.
The apartment cost enough to put a small canyon shaped hole in my bank account but the view is amazing, and I’m not just talking about her.
We are both a bit tired.
We’ve been out all afternoon looking at cars.
She doesn’t know one car from another but she does have taste.
“I really like the dark green one.”
“Are we talking about the Jag or the Audi?”
“The one that had all those rings on the radiator.”
My wife and radiators are very well acquainted.
She cooked a perfectly good Alfa a while back because she didn’t notice the fluorescent green liquid that was leaking onto the roadway after the stone put a neat little hole in the radiator. An hours shopping gave the coolant time to pool nicely in the gutter next to my classic GTV.
“It just stopped.”
“They tend to do that when the engine gets so hot that the metal fuses into one unmovable mass.”
“How was I to know. It just looked like green water to me.”
“Didn’t you wonder where it was coming from?”
“Well, I know now, but that’s because you explained it.”
“Fair enough. It’s just a car” I said with blood trickling down my lip.
She was very proud that she knew where the four silver circles were located; on the radiator grill.
“Are you sure you didn’t like the Merc?”
“Which one was the Merc?
“The one with the peace symbol on the bonnet.”
“No, I don’t like silver cars.”
“They will paint it any colour you like, it doesn’t have to be silver.”
“I know that. Was the Jag the one with the cat on the bonnet?”
“I think I like that one.”
“I’ll ring them on Monday and see when they can deliver it.”
She looks so inviting sitting out there. I think I will suggest a bit of hanky-panky before we dress for dinner.
You think that I’m going to get laughed at if I say ‘hanky-panky’, and you would be wrong. Apparently it was one of her grandmother’s sayings. She loves it and it usually has the desired effect when I say it.
In the meantime I’m going to sit here and look at the view.
There’s plenty of time for hanky-panky.
Illustration: from a painting by Jack Vettriano.