I work my way through a lot of bed sheets, but it can’t be helped. 

It’s the way I work. 

An idea comes to me, and I have to write it down. 

Ideas come at the darndest times.

Often, I’m in the shower, and I run through the house, dripping wet, stark bullock naked and start scribbling away. The neighbours get a little annoyed, except for that bloke who lives over the back, he seems to enjoy it, and that’s ok; each to his own.

I like the feeling of writing on cloth, particularly Egyptian cotton, but you can’t always get it. Thrift shops in up-market areas are the best source, but even so, stocks are limited. 

Every opportunity shop within a twenty-mile radius knows me by name. Anytime white sheets come in they put them aside just for me. I’m prepared to write on coloured sheets but I’m old-fashioned at heart, so I prefer white sheets. 

Stripped sheets are a waste of time. You just get a good flow going, and you have to leave a space. 

It’s very annoying. 

My editor hates it. 

She keeps thinking I want to start a new paragraph!

Bloody striped sheets!

Don’t even get me started on a paisley pattern.

No, there’s only one proper writing sheet, and that’s a white writing sheet.

Someone once suggested that I try large sheets of paper. 

I thought they were a bit strange for suggesting such a thing, but I gave it a go, just to say that I had tried it. 

Didn’t work. 

Didn’t work at all. 

Totally unsuitable. 

Not sure what they were thinking.

I gave it a whole week and in that time word got around. 

Attractive women with nice bottoms stopped turning up to watch me work, and the ones who did turn up refused to take their clothes off.


Storytelling is part plot, part character, part location, part atmosphere and part naked woman. Everyone knows that, and if they don’t, they should.

No naked woman? 

It would be like trying to write without a white sheet, or braces to hold up my pants, or a bottle of wine to warm my soul.

A ‘book light’ is optional, but the next thing they will be suggesting is that the naked woman should not be left-handed and that I should not smoke when I write.

I’m not sure what the world is coming to, but I know one thing for sure. I am going to continue on with the old traditions for as long as I am able.

Naked women and writing on white bed sheets is part of the fabric of our nation. 

To do otherwise would be un-Australian. 

Painting by Jack Vettriano

Like my Work? Then buy me a coffee?


6 thoughts on “Inspiration.

    • Thanks Peter. Sometimes I hesitate before I post these types of stories because I think that they are not received as well as some of the other stories but………… I like writing them. I like the absurdity, I like the fun aspect. It does me good to be silly from time to time. It’s exhausting being self absorbed, and it was I who put the ‘self’ in self absorbed!
      Also, it gives me an excuse to post a painting of a girl’s bottom, and we can all get behind that.
      I’m glad that you enjoyed it, and don’t tell me you don’t have a nutty side. I’m sure you have an oak cupboard full of strangeness just waiting for your ancestors to discover.
      Love the ‘man at sea’ visual.
      Thanks for taking the time.


  1. I think the problem is that Australians only have Papua New Guinea and New Zealand to keep them company. And then there are the reverse magnetic fields coming off of Antarctica.

    Raving and inspired as usual.

    Liked by 1 person

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